I've survived.

I'm seven weeks into returning to work post maternity leave. So, how's it going you might ask? Well, given that is has taken me a whole seven weeks to update my return to work on the blog, that might be a pretty good indicator that things are.....BUSY!

The first few weeks after I returned to work, I was in a groove. I really felt great. Jake started sleeping through the night around 3 1/2 months old and his nursing schedule seemed to be totally in sync. It was fun to see my colleagues at work and it was great to hear so many people "oooh" and "ahhhh" over pictures of Jake. I was finally using my brain to do something more than calculate how much frozen breast milk I had in my freezer stash. I remember thinking, "I got this. I can be a mom AND have my career."

Sure enough, those words were my Achilles heel. For some mothers, the first weeks back might be the most challenging. For me, it was most definitely weeks 4-6 that presented the biggest challenge. Call it a slump, call it baby blues, call it whatever you want but I was most definitely not calling it "great." All of a sudden my clinics picked up, my work responsibilities seemed to triple.  I never felt like I was accomplishing my list of things to do by the end of the day. I was rushing out of work at the end of the day, feeling totally unaccomplished as a psychologist/supervisor/colleague. And here is the kicker  - I was rushing home to my son who's entire day I had missed, feeling totally unaccomplished as a mother. I now understand the true meaning of "mother's guilt." It hit me hard.

So, how did I dig myself out of the baby blues abyss? Running. Just as with other times in my life, my sneakers and the open road are the exact therapy I needed to help me feel like myself again. The big difference now is that I have such limited time to myself to escape with a run. Convinced that finding time to run would be cheaper than therapy and healthier than a bottle of wine, I committed to running two days on the weekend and once during the week. I ran a 5 miler race while vacationing on Cape Cod and I could feel the life pulse again through my veins.

I'm seven weeks into returning to work post maternity leave and I'm happy to report that I've survived. I now know that I will have great days and days where nothing goes my way. I think I can work out a balance as long as I can still find time to wear my Asics.